Hi, it’s been a long time.
Like since March. I swore I wouldn't abandon my email list. I did. I'll be the first to admit that the instant dopamine hit from shorter form content is addictive. But I get true fulfillment out of long form content and I hope this email connects with you. It is coming from my heart.
It's been so long, you might not have even known I was pregnant, and then 3 months later- I wasn’t. I wrote in detail about this experience on my substack. I'll link the article below. But for any woman anywhere on the path of fertility, mothering, grieving - Holy, it changes you.
True to my nature, I have been both expansive in 2026 and in the underworld. And I don’t have a silver lining here, I just have who I am now. The practices and permission I remembered - and this is what I want to share with you.
Loss rearranges you. I compared myself to other women's bodies and life path before - I don't now. It might come back, I'm open. But I feel more clear about what actually matters. More dialed into my vision. And sure these could be called gifts and silver linings but it wasn’t at a cost I was willing to pay. Life just broke my heart.
This is exactly where I have needed to let my hands off the wheel even more. One of the biggest obstacles to more wholeness and expression that a deep feeling, self aware woman will need to face is her temptation to try and explain why life happens. She takes on even more responsibility. I have needed to watch this in myself because one of my guiding teachings is that I am a Co-creator in my life. But this doesn't mean I am the sole creator, on my own.
Do you take “everything that happened to me” as evidence for why it will always be that way or why you self-sabotage or can’t manifest your desires? It’s bullshit. You don’t have to believe this. And it can be another way to protect yourself from expanding. Over analysis to guard you from taking the risks life wants you to take. To keep you out from your heart.
I am mothering myself at this place...
I go offline and without external guidance I bring my hands to my pelvis and touch my cervix, vulva breasts, and I let emotion move. It is my church. Every woman should know how to do this.
I am letting myself go into the underworld, to be in the void, to go dark and not brightside.
I am batch cooking meals when my energy is high so I am less tempted to self-soothe through unsatisfactory meals when I am low
I am letting my energy change even if it is contradictory or doesn’t make sense. 30 minutes ago I was weeping, now I am swirling my hips. I am letting that just be what it is.
I work with a lot of women who are called to become Mothers - one day. Or to mother themselves more, to mother their creations. The word Mother comes up a lot.
I was not ready to become a Mother. And I was so, so ready. It has been a deep vulnerable desire.
Desire asks you to let go of control. Desire has likely been damp in your lineage or life, this is the conditioning many women receive. You may feel like you need to earn it, guard it, not let all of yourself have desires, just in case.
What if I can't hold it? I get rejected? It hurts? It doesn't happen? I look stupid?
But desire wants you to expand. Beyond what you think is possible. You will be asked to let go of the guarantee that desires have outcomes. It's the experience of desire itself that changes you.
Throughout pregnancy and miscarriage I was changed. I raised my income level somehow effortlessly after years of banging my head against the wall for how. I held 3 in person Ceremonial Immersions for women on our land on the Gaspe Coast in Quebec which was a MASSIVE expansion for me as a guide. I deepened my sexual expression with my partner and have let more raw emotion out during sex which has brought us closer and enhanced my embodied experience of pleasure.
I want you to have your own version of this. Where you say yes to desires, by letting your Wild Woman out to speak, and through that you become different. I did not get the outcome I wanted - yet, but I have opened to another timeline. That is what desire does.
A timeline where...
Where you no longer look to your relationships for permission or approval, hoping they will read your mind. Feels so much better not to be in a constant hide and seek.
Where you stop burning out your clit with quick pleasure hits as the only way you connect to your erotic self - there is so much more for you to experience.
Where you can ride your big emotional waves without the drama that has you eating ice cream for dinner 5 nights in a row. You get to the gold, bring it back to the surface- way less bloating.
Where you feel called to tend to your spiritual side and don’t limit yourself out of the fear of being too ‘woo’. You just do you. Seriously, life is too short to deprive yourself of this.
This is what I will be guiding inside of Tend.
My 9 month path of the wild woman who has kept her nature hidden from herself, who no longer wants to be afraid of her own desires, voice and body.
Do you feel that call to work with me? Send me a message.
TEND : 9 month path of the wild woman.
To read my full article on Substack about ‘Mothering Through Loss’ - here.
I welcome your updates, what's happening for you right now? Did my message stir anything up?
I apologize I became avoidant because social media gave me a bigger dopamine boost. I, too, am a wise witch of a woman living in the modern era, wading through the distractions to get to the heart of the matter. Forgetting. Remembering.
Always on the path. And with LOVE,
and a Howl,
-Maxine
